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Miss Emily’s Advice Column

Greetings, faithful readers. Unfortunately, Miss Emily is out at the moment but Lily Merry is here to pick things up! Let’s jump in and get started!


Dear Emily,
My boyfriend and I will be attending a milestone birthday party for a friend of his. The fiancee of the birthday guy stated on the invitation, “There will be a surprise during the evening.” It has been suggested that a stripper “may” be the surprise.

Emily, I realize this might be OK for some people and it’s just for fun, but I’d be uncomfortable if this happens. My boyfriend knows my feelings, but I don’t know if we would risk being ridiculed if we left the party. What should I do if I find myself in this situation?

— Hate to be a Party-Pooper


My first response is to say, let them. However I know it can be uncomfortable to be singled out. You have to think of more how you want to feel about yourself and your relationship with your boyfriend then what others are going to think about you. And if they poke fun at you for leaving, just smile and laugh along. Even if it hurts, if you laugh with it, then you’re taking away their power to hurt you. And remember that among friends some ridicule is alright, but it should be good-natured. Keep that in mind and hopefully it’ll make it easier. Stand strong in your beliefs. In the end, the decision you make for yourself and your self-respect is the more important one.



Dear Emily,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m Carrying is his. What should I do?
—Desperate for Advise


I’m concerned that you’re worried about him cheating and yet you don’t know if your baby is his. You might want to consider that for a moment. However, the best thing you can do is to be with someone you trust, and especially at this time in your life. If you’re about to be a mother, you need a strong support structure. Even if that means that you get support from your closest friend rather than a boyfriend or lover. Take care of yourself and the child, and if you’re worried about whether he’s the father, no matter the reason, you could see about getting a paternity test. Don’t be rash in your decisions. Decide what is best for you and your baby. You’ll want to give him or her a stable life. And if that means your man won’t stop his habits and you’re always afraid he cheats or will cheat again, you won’t be able to do that.



Dear Emily,
I’m a senior in high school and about to graduate. The week after graduation, one of my close friends is getting married. I have no qualms about the marriage, but I’m confused about the pre-wedding parties.

The bride and groom are registered at three stores and have had a Tupperware party already. However, I have received an invitation to a lingerie party to which guests have been instructed to bring the bride lingerie with gift receipts attached.

Am I wrong in thinking that buying intimate apparel is the responsibility of the couple? I plan to buy them a wedding gift from the registry, but I feel odd being asked to essentially contribute to their sex life. Abby, if I decline the invitation, what would be the proper way to do it?

— Bringing a Blender


You should never feel forced to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable with buying lingerie for the couple, then politely respond that this isn’t a gathering you would feel comfortable with. Don’t let them push the issue in this case. If you’re uncomfortable in the gathering, people will notice and likely feel uncomfortable if you’re uncomfortable, and if it comes down to it, tell them that. No matter your reasons for not wanting to go, that is a reason most will understand. They might be disappointed, but your beliefs are not unreasonable, and they shouldn’t try and make you feel like they are.



Dear Emily,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social work in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?


I believe you are thinking of lesbians, women who have a sexual preference toward each other. Lebanese refers to those from the Republic of Lebanon, and has nothing to do with sexual preference. On topic, they could be lesbians, or very close friends, or even family. Many women find sister-hood among one another and it’s often easier to live ‘on your own’ with someone that you trust. They may both be single, or have an agreement that they do not bring boyfriends/lovers home. You also may not notice others coming or going. If you are curious, apologize for any offense you may suggest and ask them. Mostly likely they will tell their story, no harm, no foul.

— Lily

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Posted by on August 31, 2011 in Lily Merry